some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
