I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
