Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
