just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
