Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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