Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.