Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
