therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.