cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize