i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.