i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
