Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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