I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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