Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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