I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
