WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
