i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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