i just wanna soil my oats bro
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
