Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
