Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
