Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
