I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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