please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
