I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
