His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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