oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
