Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
