margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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