I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
