tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I did not marry a roomba.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize