well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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