Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
