using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
