DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
