i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
