I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
