Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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