You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
