He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
