He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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