let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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