no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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