I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
