We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
