just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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