i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
