But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
