she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
