Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
