my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
