my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
