what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize