I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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