one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
