Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
