How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize