Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
