so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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