p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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