I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
