Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I want her autograph on my taint
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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