you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
