I want to have your abortion
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
