Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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