We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
