Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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