How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
