lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i think my cat just said my name.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
