I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
