He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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