My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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