today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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