I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
