okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm passing your future prison.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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