dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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