also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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