Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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